Funny Audio from around the World and Pattaya, Thailand

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Sixth Sense Detectives "Greetings. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are ..."
Presidential Chat Line "Hello. You have reached the Presidential Chat Line, for one on one hot talk with our hamburger ..."
911 Emergency "Thank you for calling 911. Our offices are closed because everyone is at the doughnut shop. We ..."
Automatic Answering "You have just reached the amazing Ronfold automatic answering machine. Not only does it record ..."
Afterlife Mail System "Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail system. If you're trying to reach Heaven, please ..."
Alien Discovery "We interrupt this phone call with the following news bulletin. As you may well know ..."
Alzheimers Research "Hi. You have reached the Alzheimer's Research ... Umm... Uhh.. Lab... No.. Uh... Anyway ..."
Filtering Calls "Hi. We can't come to the phone right now. If you are our children, we are out of money. If you are ..."
Talk to You? "Hey. Hey. Where did you get this number? What makes you think I wanna talk to ..."
Number Options "If you would like to press one, press one. If you would like to press two, press two. If you would ..."
Don't Call Here "Hello? I told you never to call me here. Please! What honey? No. It's just a wrong number. No ..."
Space Shuttle "Good day. Thanks for calling the space shuttle. As the special Canadian guest on board ..."
Pet Turtle Death "Oh our poor little Tipper has gone away. We can't come to the phone right now because ..."
Attention Disorder "Hello? I can't take your call right now as I've seemed to have contacted some kind of ..."
Time Remaining "At the tone from the time you called, you will have exactly ten seconds less remaining in your ..."
McCoy's Baby Care "Hi. Thanks for calling McCoy's. Look, we can't come to the phone right now. We kind of have ..."
Leave your Print "*Constant Laughing* Leave... Leave your print, baby."
CPX Blackmail "You have reached the CPX 2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being ..."
Casablanca "Of all answering machines in all the world, you had to call mine. Maybe the phone messages and two little people ..."
The Name Bruce "Good day. Bruce here. If your name is Bruce, please leave your name Bruce and your Bruce phone number after ..."
Two Criminals "Duh. Hello. There's nobody home right now. In fact, that's what me and Bugsy is doing ..."
Talk to my Cat "Hi. I'm not able to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message for my cat ..."
Multiple Choices "This is a multiple choice answering machine message. No one can take your call at the ..."
Hicks are Away "Howdy. We can't come to the phone at the moment cause we is all tied up. Yup. Cousin Clem ..."
Cloning Agency "Hello. You have reached the offices of the Society for the Protection of Cloning. Hello. I am ..."
Confusing Request "Hi. We're not in right now to take your call. But, if you'd like to leave us a message, please ..."
Crabby Man "So, you've decided to give us a call. Well, we're not here. Did you think we'd nothing better ..."
Very Cultured "Shut up! I'm on the phone! I'm sorry. We're unavailable to take your call at this time. Stop ..."
Digitally Enhanced "Greetings. I am a fully integrated, state-of-the-art, digitally-enhanced answering unit. Who ..."
At the Pub "I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. I'm down at the pub, drinking some beers ..."
Dude! "Dude! We're not home. Bogus! I have no time for that sort of nonsense! Buh ..."
Emergency Service "We interrupt this phone call to advise you of an important new development. Please ..."
Far Away "*Distant Shouting* *Echoes* Hello! I'm a bit far away! If you could leave a message ..."
Fat Fingers "The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialling wand, please mash the ..."
Flight 416 "Good afternoon passengers. Welcome to Flight 416, flying nonstop to the beep ..."
Telephone Tag "It's telephone tag time again! You leave a message on this machine. Then, you get ..."
Nonstop Fox "Get ready for all out action as nonstop Fox brings you the world's scariest phone messages ..."
Happy Halloween "I'm frightfully sorry, but the master of the house is all tied up down in the ..."
Hello? Hello? "Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Must be having technical difficulties, so leave ..."
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