Funny Audio from around the World and Pattaya, Thailand

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Hesitant "Hello? What am I saying, there's no one there. Well, there is. But, not as I speak so to speak ..."
The Witch "Gobble, double, toil, and bubble. I'm not home, so what's the trouble. Eye of ..."
Hostile Human "Yeah! Go on! It's your dime! Spill your guts! Run off at the mouth! Give us a piece of your ..."
How dare you! "I beg your pardon. Do you dare accost me in this manner? Am I the object of this brazen ..."
Irishman "Hello? Are you callin me? Sir. I'm just after leaving the house or takin another call or I'm ..."
Japanese Everyday! "Thank you for calling Learn Japanese in Twenty Seconds a Day. Are you ready? Let's ..."
Hello? Hello? "Hello? Hello? Oh hi! How are you? Yeah? We'll I'm not home right at the moment ..."
Kitty Sound "What we've got here is failure to communicate. But, if you leave your message at the ..."
Darling "Hello Darling. Mambo here. Looking marvelous. Please leave a message at the ..."
The Maid "Hello Love. The Mister and Misses can't come to the phone right now. Oh. They're in the ..."
Mission Impossible "Hello caller. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave your name, number ..."
A Long Message "Hello. Don't you just hate it when in the midst of your busy day, you get an answering machine ..."
Lines are Busy "Thank you for calling. All lines are busy right now. Your call will be answered in the order in ..."
Getting a Pencil "Hello. I'm not home right now. But I can take your message. So, just hang on while I get a ..."
Post Office "You've reached the post office. At the tone, please write us a letter and allow four to ..."
Psychic Hotline "Greetings! I feel I thank you for calling this psychic hotline. What sign are you? I knew ..."
The Queen "Ladies and gentlemen. Lords and ladies. Dukes and dutchesses. Prince and princesses. Plebs of ..."
Missing Phone "Hello. I'm home right now, but I can't find the phone. Please leave a long, loud message to ..."
Racing Horses "And they're off! It's nobody can take your call jumping into an early lead, followed closely by ..."
Easy Listening "Well, hi there. Welcome to the easy listening sounds of this answering machine ..."
A New Recipe "This is the French cook with a delicious answering machine recipe. Take a pinch of ..."
Call Screening "Hello. We're home right now screening our calls. So, please leave your name, number, and a ..."
Secretary "Good morning. No. No. He went out for fifteen minutes half an hour ago, and he won't ..."
Answering System "Hello. This is the answering service's answering service. The answering service that ..."
The White House "Hi. Thanks for calling the White House. Your President is busy right now, but he'll know ..."
Silly Voices "Oh. Hello. You've reached the Monty Python Silly Voices Preservation Society. If ..."
Space Station Mir "*Fighting noises and confusion* Good day, comrades. Thank you for calling Space Station ..."
Someone Special "Hello? May I say who's calling? Oh yes! I've heard a lot about you. You must be someone ..."
Split Personalities "Hello. You've reached the Institute for Split Personality Research. We can't get to your ..."
Spooky Message "Good Evening. Thank you for calling. Please. Leave a ... *Wolf howling*"
Helga's Hair Removal "You have reached Helga's House of European Hair Removal. We can't come to the phone ..."
The TV Show "Hello there, and welcome to the show. Today's topic: Answering machine and why we ..."
Typical Teenager "Like hi, okay. Like, my parents say all I do is give them attitude, right. Well, like ..."
The Texan "Well, well, well. You see nobody can take your call right now. If you leave your name ..."
Untold Message Story "And now, from the household you tried to reach, the untold story of how they missed your ..."
Vampire "Good day! I regret nobody is available to come to the phone. Let's just say we are all lying down ..."
Legal Warning "*Sirens* Warning. This call is being monitored by the telephone company and is being ..."
You've Won a Car! "Congratulations! You are the one millionth caller, and you have just won a brand ..."
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