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| Sixth Sense Detectives |
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"Greetings. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are ..." |
| Presidential Chat Line |
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"Hello. You have reached the Presidential Chat Line, for one on one hot talk with our hamburger ..." |
| 911 Emergency |
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"Thank you for calling 911. Our offices are closed because everyone is at the doughnut shop. We ..." |
| Automatic Answering |
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"You have just reached the amazing Ronfold automatic answering machine. Not only does it record ..." |
| Afterlife Mail System |
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"Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail system. If you're trying to reach Heaven, please ..." |
| Alien Discovery |
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"We interrupt this phone call with the following news bulletin. As you may well know ..." |
| Alzheimers Research |
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"Hi. You have reached the Alzheimer's Research ... Umm... Uhh.. Lab... No.. Uh... Anyway ..." |
| Filtering Calls |
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"Hi. We can't come to the phone right now. If you are our children, we are out of money. If you are ..." |
| Talk to You? |
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"Hey. Hey. Where did you get this number? What makes you think I wanna talk to ..." |
| Number Options |
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"If you would like to press one, press one. If you would like to press two, press two. If you would ..." |
| Don't Call Here |
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"Hello? I told you never to call me here. Please! What honey? No. It's just a wrong number. No ..." |
| Space Shuttle |
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"Good day. Thanks for calling the space shuttle. As the special Canadian guest on board ..." |
| Pet Turtle Death |
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"Oh our poor little Tipper has gone away. We can't come to the phone right now because ..." |
| Attention Disorder |
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"Hello? I can't take your call right now as I've seemed to have contacted some kind of ..." |
| Time Remaining |
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"At the tone from the time you called, you will have exactly ten seconds less remaining in your ..." |
| McCoy's Baby Care |
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"Hi. Thanks for calling McCoy's. Look, we can't come to the phone right now. We kind of have ..." |
| Leave your Print |
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"*Constant Laughing* Leave... Leave your print, baby." |
| CPX Blackmail |
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"You have reached the CPX 2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being ..." |
| Casablanca |
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"Of all answering machines in all the world, you had to call mine. Maybe the phone messages and two little people ..." |
| The Name Bruce |
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"Good day. Bruce here. If your name is Bruce, please leave your name Bruce and your Bruce phone number after ..." |
| Two Criminals |
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"Duh. Hello. There's nobody home right now. In fact, that's what me and Bugsy is doing ..." |
| Talk to my Cat |
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"Hi. I'm not able to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message for my cat ..." |
| Multiple Choices |
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"This is a multiple choice answering machine message. No one can take your call at the ..." |
| Hicks are Away |
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"Howdy. We can't come to the phone at the moment cause we is all tied up. Yup. Cousin Clem ..." |
| Cloning Agency |
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"Hello. You have reached the offices of the Society for the Protection of Cloning. Hello. I am ..." |
| Confusing Request |
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"Hi. We're not in right now to take your call. But, if you'd like to leave us a message, please ..." |
| Crabby Man |
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"So, you've decided to give us a call. Well, we're not here. Did you think we'd nothing better ..." |
| Very Cultured |
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"Shut up! I'm on the phone! I'm sorry. We're unavailable to take your call at this time. Stop ..." |
| Digitally Enhanced |
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"Greetings. I am a fully integrated, state-of-the-art, digitally-enhanced answering unit. Who ..." |
| At the Pub |
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"I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. I'm down at the pub, drinking some beers ..." |
| Dude! |
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"Dude! We're not home. Bogus! I have no time for that sort of nonsense! Buh ..." |
| Emergency Service |
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"We interrupt this phone call to advise you of an important new development. Please ..." |
| Far Away |
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"*Distant Shouting* *Echoes* Hello! I'm a bit far away! If you could leave a message ..." |
| Fat Fingers |
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"The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialling wand, please mash the ..." |
| Flight 416 |
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"Good afternoon passengers. Welcome to Flight 416, flying nonstop to the beep ..." |
| Telephone Tag |
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"It's telephone tag time again! You leave a message on this machine. Then, you get ..." |
| Nonstop Fox |
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"Get ready for all out action as nonstop Fox brings you the world's scariest phone messages ..." |
| Happy Halloween |
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"I'm frightfully sorry, but the master of the house is all tied up down in the ..." |
| Hello? Hello? |
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"Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Must be having technical difficulties, so leave ..." |
| More Funny Audio from around the World and Pattaya, Thailand |